Snowblinded
by Beautiful Thief
Summary: A collection of ficlets and drabbles originally written for NijiHimu on my tumblr.
1. Getting one of them off of drugs AU

Written on 6/9/2014 for stephanericher on tumblr for the AU ficlet meme:

35. one of them trying to get the other one off of drugs au

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><p>Tatsuya is one of Shuuzou's more… <em>difficult<em> cases.

He's checked in by a guy who calls himself his brother; well, Shuuzou can't see any resemblance between them when he looks at the guy, but that's what the big red-head says, and he's not going to argue with him. Tatsuya's been in and out of rehab for years, according to Taiga.

"Don't give him any female nurses," he says to Shuuzou. "He convinces them he's ready to go when he isn't."

Shuuzou can see why it keeps happening; even with the sickly pallor of his skin, and the sweating and the deep, bruise-like circles under his eyes, Tatsuya is beautiful, and female nurses clamor to get a look at him.

"I don't have a problem," is the first thing Tatsuya says to Shuuzou when big red leaves.

"Sure," Shuuzou tells him, because the kid's gotta be dreaming if he thinks he's the first person to tell him that he doesn't have a problem even when he's shaking through his withdrawal symptoms. "If you don't have a problem, then spending some time here shouldn't be too hard for you."

Tatsuya's prone to throwing punches when he's going through a particularly nasty stage of withdrawal (he gets Shuuzou good the first time, because big red neglected to mention he's violent, and he wasn't ready. Shuuzou red flags his case file for it), and he refuses to speak to his counsellor. He speaks to the female nurses as they walk past to try and win them into getting his case out of Shuuzou's hands, and they flutter in his wake.

"What's your damage?" Shuuzou asks one afternoon while he's taking Tatsuya back to his room.

Tatsuya's smile is sharp and cutting as he looks at Shuuzou from the corner of his eye and asks, "What's yours?"

* * *

><p>Strictly speaking, he's not supposed to get too attached to the patients, but he slips up when he catches Tatsuya watching a basketball game on one of the TVs. At the time, he'd thought that maybe a connection would be more helpful to Tatsuya's case.<p>

"You interested in basketball?"

Tatsuya looks at him. "Are you?"

"I played when I was a kid."

Tatsuya nods to himself. "Me too."

And that was where it all started to go downhill.

Tatsuya still won't talk to his counsellor, but he talks to Shuuzou sometimes. It's nothing substantial; bits and pieces, fragments that mean nothing, but it's more than he gives to anyone else. Shuuzou talks to him too, about his dad and his family and friends, and about his work, about how he moved here when he was a teenager and the struggles of the migration. Tatsuya always smiles a little bit more honestly when Shuuzou tells him stories from his life, and every smile he gets seems to steal a part of him away. Shuuzou always asks to hear Tatsuya's stories, but he never shares - he deflects and asks Shuuzou about how his friends and siblings are instead.

* * *

><p>Of course, they can't keep him forever, especially if he's not getting anywhere; there are places here for people who <em>want<em> to be here, and Shuuzou calls Tatsuya's brother the day before they kick him out.

Taiga sounds desperate when he asks if there's any way they can keep him, but Shuuzou's already out of options; he's done everything he could to keep him in as long as possible already.

_He's going to kill himself, _is all Shuuzou can think as he watches Tatsuya leave.

* * *

><p>Tatsuya shows up six months later, and he checks himself in.<p>

"I don't have a problem," he says, and he smiles at Shuuzou.


	2. Roommates AU

Written on 8/9/2014 for stephanericher on tumblr for the AU ficlet meme:

8. roommates au

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><p>Shuu was very easy to live with, for the most part.<p>

He took care of himself with the ease of someone who's long used to looking after themselves and others. He cooked well enough, kept his things tidy and out of the way, and always asked Tatsuya if there was anything he needed before he went to go shopping.

The main problem with living with Shuu, for Tatsuya, was that it was very hard to pretend you weren't wildly attracted to your friend when you saw them every day. Somehow, seeing Shuu be domestic around the house just made everything _worse_. Tatsuya liked to watch him in the kitchen; he was no Taiga, but he was definitely comfortable, and his food always tasted a lot better than Tatsuya's did. It had a sort of 'made with love' mother-y quality to it that Tatsuya kind of envied, and found surprisingly adorable.

Of course, Shuu didn't actually _enjoy_ cooking, but it was cheaper overall to cook for one's self, and Shuu didn't like to needlessly throw money away when he didn't have to (though, Tatsuya knew, he definitely indulged himself in his favourite brands of sportswear, few of which would be considered _cheap_).

Also, Tatsuya couldn't cook at all. So there was that too.

When he came home from his evening classes one night, Shuu was asleep on the couch. He must have dozed off waiting for him to come back; the TV was making some ambient noise in the background, and it was all just so very cute.

(One day, Tatsuya might question why he was so drawn to tough-looking softies. One day. Maybe.)

Shuu had left some food out on the counter for him, but there wasn't a note with it. That was okay; Tatsuya didn't need it to know what Shuu had meant for this to look like. (He would have gotten up and turned off the TV, as if he'd just finished watching whatever had been on and told him that the food on the counter was for him, and he was going to bed, and despite himself, he would tell Tatsuya not to stay up too late.)

Tatsuya leaned over and kissed Shuu's forehead.


	3. Meeting on a Train Ride AU

Written on 8/9/2014 for stephanericher on tumblr for the AU ficlet meme:

23. meeting on a train ride au

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><p>There are a lot of things that Shuuzou missed about Tokyo, but being squashed on the train was not one of them.<p>

The worst part was that he still had a while to go before he could get off the train, too. When had he gotten so much more conscious of personal space? It must have been a thing he picked up in America.

The doors open, and Shuuzou holds onto the handle as people surge around him.

When the doors close, and the train is no less packed than before, Shuuzou takes a moment to look around again, and he notices that there's a stupidly beautiful man standing right next to him. It's been a while since he's seen someone who was so ridiculously fortunate in the genetic lottery.

The train car bumps and the same moment Shuuzou realises the guy doesn't have anything to hold onto is the same one the guy falls on him.

Shuuzou's pretty strong; his grip was good and his feet had been firmly planted, so this wasn't as much of a disaster as it could have been. He grabs the handsome man with his free arm to steady him, and is rewarded with a smile that blows him away.

_holy shit_

"Thank you," the stranger says. "You can let go."

Shuuzou made sure he was standing up straight and balanced before he let go.

"I hate trains," he said, for lack of anything else to say. The beautiful stranger smiled again.

"I have to admit, I have other ways I prefer to travel," he responded. He looked Shuuzou over as well as he could how close they were standing, but his face didn't give away anything about what he might be thinking.

"Nijimura Shuuzou," he introduced himself.

"Himuro Tatsuya," the other man answered, and when Shuuzou felt some very familiar calluses on Himuro's hands as they shook them, he decided right then and there that he was going to give this beautiful guy his number before he got off the train.


	4. Meeting in Prison AU

Written on 9/9/2014 for stephanericher on tumblr for the AU ficlet meme:

37. meeting in prison au

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><p>One of the first things that Shuuzou learned upon his arrival at juvenile detention was that in general, kids in for violent crimes - like Shuuzou, who was in for assault - were considered a different breed to your petty compulsive thieves, and your gang kids.<p>

…and then, among all the rest of the low lives in here, there was Himuro Tatsuya, who was universally considered to be pretty much a different species.

Honestly, Shuuzou didn't know much about him, except that he was beautiful. There were all sorts of rumours about why a guy like Tatsuya was in here, but no one seemed to know for sure.

Shuuzou had been in there two weeks and heard various things from 'prostitution' to 'murder', especially after that huge fight that broke out last week where Tatsuya alone had broken two guys' ribs and three noses.

(the fact that Tatsuya, by virtue of being in juvie with the rest of them, was unlikely to be a prostitute, clearly flew right by the heads of most of the people here.)

That was when he decided to just go up and ask the kid himself. He could probably take Tatsuya in a fight if it went bad.

…probably.

Tatsuya tended to eat alone, since he didn't seem to fit with the other kids. It was easy enough for Shuuzou to head over and sit across from him, even though around them, whispers ran furiously.

Wary eyes looked up at him.

"So, I've heard a bunch of things," Shuuzou started, "but I wanted to ask, since the rest of the braindead lumps seem content to just speculate wildly. What _are_ you in here for?"

A little smile quirked on Tatsuya's mouth. "You know," he said slowly. "No one's ever actually asked." He looked down at the food. "Grand theft auto," he said. "I took a few joyrides in some rich guy's cars."

Shuuzou couldn't help it. He snorted with laughter. "That's it?"

Written on 9/9/2014 for stephanericher on tumblr for the AU ficlet meme:

37. meeting in prison au

Tatsuya didn't seem to take offense. "That's it," he agreed. He propped his elbow on the table and leaned his head against his palm. "So you know who I am," he said, "but who are you, and what are you in for?"

Something about the gesture made Shuuzou know why some of the boys thought Tatsuya was a prostitute. It made his mouth run dry, as he came to full awareness that even with unflattering orange jumpsuit washing out his skin tone, Tatsuya was almost unbelievably beautiful, and he made the simple act of looking at him from that one eye, lips slightly curved, seductive.

"Nijimura. Shuuzou," he managed to get out around his suddenly clumsy tongue. "Assault."

There was no break in his expression, but still, Tatsuya's response was one of surprise. "Curious. You don't look like a thug."

"I'm not."

Tatsuya's smile deepened. "You should tell me your story, then. I think I'd like to hear it."


	5. Ghost-Living Person AU

Written on 12/9/2014 for stephanericher on tumblr for the AU ficlet meme:

41. ghost/living person au

(warnings for character death (well... obviously...) and lots of angst.)

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><p>If getting the first phone call from home that Shuu'd taken a king hit and was in the hospital with brain damage, and then the second phone call as he made desperate preparations to return back home for a 'family emergency' (since 'my boyfriend might be dying' probably wouldn't have gone over quite as well) informing him that said boyfriend had died weren't enough to make Tatsuya question the world and fate in general's poor taste in jokes (it seemed destiny itself had something out for him), then Shuu's specter sitting at the end of his bed the day after he'd come back from LA after attending his dead boyfriend's funeral was more than enough.<p>

At first he thought he was hallucinating, even though he hadn't taken any drugs, and there was no history of psychosis in his family's medical history, and then he'd wondered aloud if he was dreaming, and then Shuu scowled.

"If you were dreaming," Shuu asked, "why would I still be dead?"

Blunt and honest, as always. It stung, still, the reminder that Shuu was dead, even though it was coming from Shuu's mouth, in Shuu's voice, things that should have been reminders that he was _alive_.

"_Fuck_," Tatsuya muttered. He'd cried enough over the last few days and he was supposed to be going back to classes today. "I can't deal with this."

"Tatsuya."

"You're dead," he whispered, and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. "You're _dead_, Shuu, what the fuck is going on?"

He felt his shoulder break out in goosebumps, and pulled a hand away from his eyes only to catch Shuu frowning as he pulled away. Shuu'd tried to touch him, Tatsuya's mind supplied almost hysterically. His dead boyfriend's ghost had tried to touch him and given him goosebumps.

"I don't know," Shuu said. "I don't know what's going on."

The worst part, Tatsuya thought as he called the student dorm supervisor to say that he was still jetlagged and didn't think he would be able to get through his classes today, was that even though he could speak to him, he couldn't touch him, wouldn't be able to feel the comfort of Shuu's strength while he held onto him or his warmth when he kissed him. It had been hard enough to face the fact he'd never have these things again, and he'd only barely just started processing it. The fact that Shuu was _there_, clearly and undeniably, and Tatsuya _still_ couldn't have him was perhaps the world's biggest _fuck you Himuro Tatsuya_ that he'd ever experienced.

* * *

><p>Days pass.<p>

Shuu doesn't.

Tatsuya feels like he's going slowly and quietly insane.

He thinks Shuu's figured out why he's still here, and Tatsuya thinks he knows too, but he's never going to say it.

He's not sure he can give Shuu up a second time, even if it has to be like this.

* * *

><p>("It's my fault you died," he whispers, and Shuu reaches to pull him into his embrace from where he's kneeling on the floor, but his phantom limbs go right through Tatsuya, and he can't stop crying, because Shuu's telling him he's wrong, that it's not his fault.<p>

But Tatsuya cannot bring himself to believe that Shuu would still be dead today if he hadn't come back to Japan.

And because fate and the universe hates him, Shuu is gone in the morning when Tatsuya wakes up.)


	6. Diagnosed with a Terminal Illness AU

Written on 12/9/2014 for stephanericher on tumblr for the au ficlet meme:

44. one of them being diagnosed with a terminal illness au

warnings for character death as should be pretty obvious given the prompt

also late addition to the collection is late lmao

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><p>The thing was, Tatsuya was <em>healthy<em>, up until the point when he wasn't.

Logically, Shuuzou knew that wasn't the case - that simply things the both of them hadn't thought could be signs of sickness in actual fact were - but it had _felt_ that way, because Tatsuya was Tatsuya. He was active, he didn't smoke, he ate fairly well, and…

And Shuuzou should have known already, that doing all the right things didn't make you immune to sickness.

It was _Tatsuya._ Tatsuya was never sick. And then he was, and it all happened so fast that Shuuzou couldn't get his head around it even as he took him to his appointments and took care of him because Tatsuya didn't have the energy to do a lot of things himself anymore.

Because they hadn't known, because they hadn't realised, it had been really late when the doctors finally made the diagnosis. Still, Tatsuya had seemed to have relatively good odds for recovery, and doctors worked _miracles_ here; his own father had gotten a lot better, though he'd never recovered entirely. (He was gone now, but he'd survived so much longer than Shuuzou had thought he possibly would back when he was fifteen and it felt like he was going to have to take the driver's seat in a world that seemed like it was falling down around him)

When Tatsuya told him he was going to die, that the treatments had failed and that there was no good prognosis, Shuuzou refused to believe it, because Tatsuya never stopped fighting. He was a nasty bastard like that sometimes, even if he did tend to take on all the guilt later. Tatsuya _never_ stopped fighting; there was always an element of rage and desperation to Tatsuya, even though he'd mellowed somewhat as he'd gotten older.

(It was later, when he was away from Tatsuya, that his mind finally processed that he was going to lose Tatsuya before his time, just like his father, and wasn't it supposed to rain on days like this?

He came home to Tatsuya with bloody fists where he'd punched the wall until the skin had broken open, but Tatsuya didn't say anything as Shuuzou put his old knowledge to use and applied antiseptic and bandages, only ran his long, gentle, graceful fingers over the places where he remembered seeing the cracks in his skin and pressed his lips against the backs and palms of his hands.)

He'd said he didn't want to spend the rest of his life sick and in pain, to grasp at just that tiny little bit more time and it broke Shuuzou's heart even as he agreed, because watching Tatsuya suffer had been the worst part back while he'd still believed that he would live.

Tatsuya had always liked to say that you shouldn't expect the world to be fair, and Shuuzou never had. But there was painful cruelty in the way the world was tearing Tatsuya away so slowly and painfully, and leeching everything that made him Tatsuya away from him before it killed him.

(It took his body that played basketball and it took the fire away, because his body was too exhausted just by being at war with itself to find the energy to kindle a spark; and it took away so many other things besides, and dimly, Shuuzou wonders if it's ever possible to be ready to watch someone die again and again this way, because Tatsuya did not die once, he died so many times in ways that mattered more than the moment that his body finally failed).

He wants to say they saw the last days coming, and that they did something special, but they didn't, because Tatsuya couldn't really move around all that much and did little more than sleep. What he can say is that they fell asleep together the night that he died, and that he woke up alone.


	7. Going Through a Divorce AU

Written on 2/10/2014 for stephanericher on tumblr for the AU ficlet meme:

50. going through a divorce au

(I wasn't suuuuuuper happy with these but you liked them, SO.)

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><p><em>the one where only one of them is getting divorced<em>

(feat. lawyer!tatsuya bc you wanted it)

—-

Most people were surprised to hear that Shuuzou's marriage had collapsed.

Their friends always remarked upon their steadiness, on how well suited they had been, and how well they had gotten along.

Shuuzou had always been good at the 'united front' projection, and his wife had been similarly good at it; and few people were aware that Shuuzou could have a very bad temper when he got worked up.

The few people who didn't seem surprised were those who knew them best - those people who'd been surprised when they'd announced that they were getting married so young, those who'd known their temperaments best.

Those who'd thought they'd never truly been suited at all, but never said anything because it wasn't their place.

Shuuzou hadn't really known where to start looking for a divorce lawyer; as he waited in the lobby of a small firm that had been recommended to him by a friend, he felt strangely vulnerable.

One of the people who worked here would be responsible for ensuring that he got treated fairly, after all; this was not something Shuuzou could do by himself. His soon-to-be-ex wife had a lawyer and his friends had largely been of the opinion that it would be better safe than sorry in regards to having someone with the appropriate knowledge to ensure he didn't get screwed over.

"Nijimura Shuuzou?"

He looked up towards the voice.

The young man who'd called him was smiling slightly; his hair fell over one of his eyes and the suit he wore looked both expensive and _very_ good on him.

"That's me," he said, and stood.

"I'm Himuro Tatsuya," the lawyer introduced himself. "I look forward to working with you."

When Himuro turned, motioning for Shuuzou to follow him to his office, Shuuzou wondered almost faintly as his gaze dropped how the hell he was going to maintain a professional working relationship with this stunning man.

—-

_the one where both of them are getting divorced_

_—-_

Shuuzou had gone mostly because his friends, while wonderful and supportive, were all either in stable happy long term relationships or married, and he was sick of their sympathetic looks in which they showcased exactly how much they just didn't really understand the upheaval his life was going through now.

(It seemed that he was always ahead of the curve in that manner; losing a parent earlier in life than most, and then becoming a divorcee. He wouldn't be the only one, statistics insisted, but he _was_ the first.)

So here he was at this support group aimed at recent divorcees, or those currently going through the process of divorce. Clearly Shuuzou wasn't the only one who found that his friends couldn't quite relate to some of the things that he was going through.

He was kind of just getting his bearings when one of the guys walked up to him to introduce himself.

"You looked a little lost," the man said, and wow he was beautiful; how the hell was this guy getting _divorced_? If Shuuzou married someone that beautiful he'd never let them go.

…maybe there was something messed up about his personality.

"Maybe a little," he answered, kind of wary. "I'm Nijimura Shuuzou."

"Himuro Tatsuya," he introduced himself with a smile. "It's nice to meet you."

Shuuzou looked out at the group. "So, what brings you here? I mean, other than the obvious."

Himuro looked up at him, and something amused settled in the corner of his mouth. "Much like everyone else here," he said, "I'm here to pick someone up."

—-

_the one where they're getting divorced from each other_

_—-_

Tatsuya couldn't look at Shuu across the table.

Next to them, the lawyers discussed the division of their assets, the division of their _lives_, but Tatsuya couldn't really pay attention; his gaze was locked on the table. He could feel Shuu's gaze on him, and he wished that he could throw his pride away and beg, ask for a second chance (or third, or fourth, or whatever chance he was up to now), but he couldn't.

He knew Shuu wouldn't either, because Shuu was the one who'd left.

People always said that the end of a relationship was rarely one party's fault; Tatsuya had never really subscribed to this philosophy, and he wasn't certain that it was applicable here, either. He was fairly certain the blame laid entirely on his shoulders; Shuu was right to leave if their relationship wasn't working, if _Tatsuya_ wouldn't let it work.

He'd always been too proud. Shuu had bent himself over trying to find compromises Tatsuya never agreed to, even if he wanted to. _Pride_ was always his biggest sin, his greatest downfall, and here it was; it had pushed away a man who'd loved him, and prevented his tongue from moving as he left.


	8. Joyriding

NijiHimu joyriding in LA because ninannarambling is an ENABLER and a particular piece of art that can be found on basketballpoetsociety's tumblr. 

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><p>It's a terrible idea, so of <em>course<em> it's Tatsuya's idea.

Tatsuya's young and angry and bitter, a lot like Shuuzou used to be. In a lot of ways, he reminds Shuuzou of himself a few years ago, except that his parents seem to be entirely absent from his life in a way Shuuzou's weren't, and Tatsuya's convinced himself that his mentor – a lovely woman who Shuuzou quite likes, and who is clearly worried about Tatsuya – doesn't really _get_ it.

She probably gets it better than Tatsuya wants to admit, of course, which is probably why he denies it so violently.

Sometimes, Shuuzou can't help the feeling that Tatsuya is really terrible for him. He pulls out Shuuzou's old bad habits so easily. He has his mother wrapped around his fingers, because he _looks_ the part of a good, well-bred, wholesome boy, and his beautiful face and smile make people around him believe that god is real or some shit like that.

His mother doesn't worry when he tells her he's spending the evening with Tatsuya, even though she should, because Tatsuya never wants to do anything good or legal after dark.

Tatsuya knows his face is a weapon, and he's never afraid to use it.

"Shuu," he says and he's got an angel's smile, Shuuzou's sure of it, and he sometimes wonders why it is that all the beautiful people he knows are definitely kind of evil, "let's go for a ride tonight."

"Okay," he says, because if he can't beat some sense into Tatsuya (he tried), he can at least keep him company and maybe curb some of his worse tendencies. Tatsuya hasn't been in a really dangerous fight in months now.

It's probably actually worse for them to steal the bikes and go for a ride than is for them to get in fights, at least, if they get caught. They might get some scrapes and bruises or broken bones in a fight, but getting arrested for stealing a motorbike is the kind of shit that follows you.

But Shuuzou knows that the feeling of the wind rushing past and the way the lights of the city look when you race past are somehow calming, and if he can somehow prevent Tatsuya from taking his rage out on other people and instead on racing around on a stolen bike, well.

They haven't been caught yet.

Tatsuya never steals the same bike twice. Shuuzou doesn't know how he figures out who to steal from, who has enough gas to get a good ride out and back, who won't notice the bike's gone for the duration of their trip. Sometimes he fills up the tanks if he feels in a particularly good mood on the way home, but they don't have _that_ much disposable income between them.

Shuuzou doesn't think too much about it when Tatsuya takes him to where the bikes he's scoped out are, and doesn't ask too much when they both hotwire the bikes. With the little he knew about Shuuzou's history at the time, Tatsuya hadn't been too surprised when he'd seen him do it the first time, but Shuuzou had probably been more surprised than he should have when Tatsuya hadn't needed his help to do it either.

They take off, and it's probably super dumb to ride without helmets, but the wind is blowing Tatsuya's hair off his face, and Shuuzou feels invincible the way they always tell you teenage boys feel right before they do something stupid and dangerous to get themselves killed or seriously injured, but he can't care when the edge of fury has melted from Tatsuya's expression, and he can see his face properly for once. While there's something alluring about the mystery of Tatsuya's hidden eye, Shuuzou likes when he gets to see it; it feels like something special, something he's been trusted to hold close.

They're definitely going to kill themselves if they get hit or fall, with no protective gear or anything, but there's a rush there too, like when you're playing an exhilarating game of basketball, and it's not perfect victory or definite loss, but a desperate battle; and the lights are beautiful and blinding as they race through a city that never properly sleeps.

They never take the same routes twice when they do this. Tatsuya always leads their route, but Shuuzou doesn't mind. Tatsuya's the one who needs this, after all. He's just here to look out for him. Mostly, anyway. It feels better than it should to do this; it always leaves him feeling guilty afterwards, because this is the kind of behaviour his father did his best to squash in him before he got sick. But he's not going to leave Tatsuya to fuck everything up on his own if he can, and he trusts Shuuzou to be here with him. One day, he'll figure out how to make it enough to get through to him; for now, he'll just do his best not to be like he was before.

They're flying past lights of all colours, but Shuuzou never takes his eyes off Tatsuya and the road. He's always so damnably beautiful, especially lit up by the lights of a city he knows like the back of his hand.

Shuuzou's always been so weak to pretty things, and only finds them more fascinating when they have dangerous edges.

They stop on a quiet hill somewhere, and Shuuzou has no idea where they are; they're not high enough to have some kind of view over the city, but there's still an array of lights and buildings that's somehow worth seeing, maybe only because of the way this moment feels.

"Feeling better?"

Tatsuya looks at him from the corner of his visible eye, and smiles.

"A little."


End file.
